Barversations # An open day.
The open bar lets the air and sounds in. Horses, donkeys and wagon wheels, the jingle of strap connections and a mist of conversations passing, while the barker yells the deals and offerings. Everyone at the bar is from out of town, they’re not saying anything they just watch the locals as if they were invisible and on set in the middle of a play.
Dennis who works hospitality at the strip club next door walks up to Martin, the bike delivery guy and asks if he can get some mustard packs.
Martins’ in everyone’s business so he asks, “What’chew want with mustard packs.”
The Barker out front yells, “Chicken Teriyaki egg rolls!”
Martin reaches into the bin and Dennis reply’s, “She only eats mustard packs.”
From outside, “Southwest egg rolls!”
“Here y’uh go.” Martin drops a handful in Dennis’s hand, “Is this for a girl in VIP?”
Dennis nods.
Martin laughs, “When I worked at one place I new this one girl who said she’d suck any mans cock with some avocado on it.”
Dennis laughs, “I think I know her sister.”
“Shrimp Quesadilla’s!”
Martin turns like he does laughing and leaving the conversation to look at the straw bins and napkin stock. Dennis turns sticking the packets into his pocket as he makes his way out the door.
Randal sitting in the door way takes his hat off and fans his face, he takes the towel off his shoulder, wipes his brow then slings it back over his shoulder, he puts his hat back on and watches for a woman he knows to give a hug or a friend to shake hands with as he sits with menu’s on his lap.
“Get’char self some Onion rings!”
Martin turns to the cook DJ on the other side of the grill; he leans close to the splattered glass, “So you ever get it cleared up?”
DJ flips the burger, presses on it, stands back, still looking at the burger, “Naw.”
“Catfish, crawfish, surf and turf how you want it!”
Martin, snuffs at the air and says, “Hope nuff, sure really soon.”
“Roast Beef Poboy’s!”
Nobody said anything, the burger sizzled, a 10 speed bike coasted by and the Barker told a couple to get a cold drink in them. Martin turned the volume up on the TV, “What seams to be the old Three Card Monty system you see on barded streets and in prison’s has hit home. It has become the norm for politicians and Families to play this game via projection analysts, lenders looking for the loop hole and the guy holding the ring of fire.”
“Get a corn dog and a beer! We got alligator, it’s great with salsa!”
Someone from outside yells, “You got tit’s and pussy in there!”
The Barker yells, “Just a glory hole with your mother on the other side!”
It was pretty much silence, the TV rattled on, some metal to metal could be heard. Ice cubes in glasses and a drink or a slurp. The barker skidded in the doorway and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "12 o’clock! Then jumped back."
Everyone listened and heard them. A big group of woman were coming. Like it was craps, Martin said to himself, “Come on honey’s let that ass bounce and those heels click.” Everyone cocked an eye to outside; Randal ready’d the menus, raising one and the Barker Started up
“If you’re thirsty we can fix that! If you’re Hungry we can help! We got 10 kinds of Burgers! Hot Sausage how you want it! PoBoys how you like it! Ten kinds of French fries even Chili Cheese with Shrimp and cocktail sauce! Chicken Ceasar Wraps! CheeseSteaks! Chicken Parm… Chicken Parmigee… We got Chicken hoagie’s with marinara sauce! Lady ignore that ham sandwich in your purse and come on in and get a foot long hotdog!”
DJ tops the burger on a square of foil; tops it: cheese, tomato’s, onions, pickles, he splashes it with tiger sauce; lays the top on and fold’s it 6 ways quickly into a present, places it on the counter and yells, “Burger for Jesse!”
Martin still looking at where the women passed, The Barker taps his palms against his hips like a sea lion watching the women bustle down the block. Martin turns to a visitor at the bar, “If they had looked in? One of us would have gotten laid. Who ever orders the hot dog is the one to buy a beer and work from there.”
DJ points in the air with the spatula dripping, “Depending on what time it is, who you go for is ‘the appetizer girls.’ They know what it’s like to drink, eat, and fuck.”
Randal slaps the menus with the menu, “You never know, the finest chick out of the bunch, could be like a deer in a head light and the ugliest one, could pull off some Vanessa Del Rio shit!”
“You can get a meat lovers as a poboy or in a tortilla!”
Martin blurts, “What are you talk’n about all you can get is the ugly one’s.”
Randal opened his mouth and looked at Martin like it was nothing, “Yeah just like your daddy liked the taste of your momma’s ass on my cock.”
A stranger at the bar blew beer out his nose. Everyone else laughed or thought of a get away. Martin turned red, and didn’t say anything outside of under his breath.
Randal slapped the menu’s and looked away saying to the street, “You’re mama or neighbor told you about that one huh? Sho’nuff I can make it happen. Your momma sure is a loud one ain't she.”
“Get a Who Dat Burger! Get A Hang Over Burger!! We got nachos in so many ways’ it would make ....Mexico.... an island! We got chicken wings! Hot! BBQ! Honey Mustard! Spicy! Spicy and Sweet! Plain if you want it that way we’ll make it that way. We can make a hot dog how ever you like, if you’re German we got American sour kraut, if you’re from Asia we got south west egg rolls, they’re delicious, if you’re a Norwegian, Sweden or Swiss we got chocolate chips cookies freshly baked with chips the size of diamonds in closed auctions and if your from Finland we got a Hey you in a wrap, a burger, a hoagie, a poboy, and as a cheese steak! If you want a burnt foot long hot dog? We'll burn your dog, your burger or what ever meat or vegetable you want! You can get a spicy blackened Chicken! Get a Chubby burger! A Bayou Chicken Hoagie! We’ll make it for you!”
A voice from the street to the barker, “What’s on that?”
The Barker, “I haven’t a clue, go inside and ask the cook.”
Drunk as fuck #2 yells, “You got spam?”
The Barker, “That’s a poor man’s pocket pussy fool. We serve food.”
Two women walk in. Everyone but DJ looks to be seen. DJ says to Dorris, “Hey there you want the usual?”
Doris “You know it baby.”
“I got you.”
Doris turns to DJ and give a wink, then turns to her friend and says, “Here’s a real man, he ain’t tug on your arm while pulling on his dick.”
Dorris’ friend, “Like he’s got one the size of your arm.”
“Even if he has a dick the size of your arm he wouldn’t know how to use it. He just one of those broke bitches that runs around I got a big dick, come check this! And let me show you I don’t know how to use it!”
Doris’ friend, “I tell’m go home and fuck your momma some more that’s the only reason she keeps you around.”
Everyone seams not to know what to say, DJ keeps at it making there, plates, “I knew this one chick who all she could was find was big dick’d mother fuckers, she said it was like she could feel’em in her stomach. And all they do is pound and pound. Now where’s the pleasure in that?”
Doris’ friend, “Tell her to tell them to get into porn with coke heads, junkie’s or tweekers who don’t eat, so they ain’t got nothing to worry about but taking away their hunger pains.”
A man rose from the bar and said, "There are some men though that know how to work it and some women that like it."
No one said anything they just looked up at the customer, he took his plate tossed it into the trash can and walked outside pulling a cigar from inside his jacket and disappeared beyond the door frame.
