Barversations #048 knock knot

Barversations #048 knock knot

If you get big cylindares and but them in the middle in of the ocean and you take ice chunks and fill it or freeze say saly water… you get the ocean cooled to stop hurricanes from over powering your…

He looks at the wall he looks at the ceiling he look at the bar. Less salinity in the witer.

That makes sense.

Hey you know it. The cooler the water the less pour a typhoon or hurricane has.

So what do you think of Burroughs?

Well first I have to say he’s to rigidmented in serprate schools. Doesn’t he know a school of fish whatever it’s kind exist with in a mixture of them flowing together?

Hmm you’re talking about his ivy league schooling? Or his belief in that there
is always something that wants to eat something else, unless…
Of course and that he fears what women asked him to do. I’m sure he was bi but after he shot his wife… he lost it. He was afraid of what women ask men to do.

That makes sense. Men will do anything for a woman. Or men look at where he went exclude his son from that.

Yeah all ah, hey zeus, booduh, what do the jews and hindu’s pray too?

Jane says, A monkey on a stick? What do you boys want to drink? You got nothing left but spit and sudless piss in your cups.

A guy pipes up, what about satan?

You talk’n about Antwit longing-a-lay? Or the real angel of light the one who was the one that brought music to the world and god said… hey! And lucifer said hey? I just want to play, You asked me to play and that’s all I can do.

What? Are you serious.

Look it up, look it down… if you look in the right places you’ll find taxation by subjectification.

Jane says, Does anyone want to order anything.

No one says anything.

Jane looks at the t.v. what is it the espn? Do I need to put on some porn to get you guys to think about anything about how we got to this fucked up…

A man with a funny ascent says… what currency am to pat in?

more rejects

under the river birch in the far left side of the backyard I approached my grandfather as he sits in a white plastic lawn chair. I turned and looked at the party from his direction; both of us facing the direction of them and we watched ‘em sway.

.. ..

We watched the fat ones stuff there faces while errupting sounds; spitting cracker, bread crumbs and spittle as the talked away. Most of what was us, the family, were fat.

There are those married in and a few of their kids who are skinny but the longer they are in the family; they eventually get caved out. Those still skinny try to avoid the food but there is nowhere to look and not see something getting eat’n or just sitting there waiting. They eat it secretly though and we watch them when they think no one is looking and there are those who do it while holding a plate an only eat when everyone is looking away for someone else to talk too and as they look left and right they stick another bite in their mouth and chew it trying to find someone else to get them out of the conversation they are in.

No one is really watching anyone, just me and gramps are and I think there's a difference in wanting and noticing.

It looks like a bunch of slinkies swaying up and down but never falling over.
.. ..

I say to grandpa still staring at the sea of family, I’m going to grab a chair I’ll be right back.

don’t bother... I want to be alone.

.. ..
i motion my hand out infront of me like it's a hordueves plate, you think I want to be with them?
.. ..

silence.

.. ..
“can’t you do what I’m doing somewhere else?”
.. ..

“well. yeah.”

.. ..

“well then, get to it.”
.. ..

I went off. i stood here. i stood there. they were all having the same conversation at different parts. no one could end it. no one wanted too. everyone was afraid too.

later.

after too much of trying to shovel it out of my head i grabbed a chair and head out to the woods and walked the line between the fence and quaking apens to the corner of our property and then walked up behind him placing the chair next to him. he didn't flinch or nothing and I doece doe'd and sat down.
.. ..

“didn’t I tell you I wanted to be alone?”

.. ..

“yeah.”

.. ..

“jesus christ you’re like your mother.”

.. ..

“no way, look mom’s a social butterfly that I am not.”
.. ..

“no your mother’s a bippity boppity bitch.”

.. ..

I couldn’t say anything. Then I bursted out laughing. my laughter turned into a hundred eyes with glowing question marks. Grandpa farted and started to grumble and hit me with the back of his hand on my arm. Everyone looked away and the chatter continued on.

.. ..

look I’m sorry. I said.

.. ..

Everyone’s sorry. I’m sorry. sorry for what? too much of this? not enough that? asking or demanding it's not the difference to cats and dogs no more... cut your nails! when was your last bath? i don't want a bath, everybody does the fucking wave and say you stink! and nobody gets it... you smell it don't you?

the silence took over everything and i just looked ahead. i knew what he was talking about but i didn't say anything.

then i said it, smell what?

like it was a chain reaction in a split atom he said it like he was death himself, death boy.

silence.

he was right and i said nothing. he smelt like something that had been dead for days but he'd smellt like this on and off for 2 years or more.

if i wash myself it doesn't matter. the bathtub smells like me.


who told him i thought.

your mother was live'ed when she found out her daughter didn't make the cheerleading squad because she smelt like a dead person.

i said it anyways, how did you find out?

they think they are quite but they're always loud. the world is not thiers and it's not ours. and you want to know what it is?

what?

the smell?

silence.

i don't know what to say so i said, i don't know.

inside me i'm dead, and when i'm under the water it floats out of me, the gas, the stuff. so i don't let it come happen. i want it to spread. i want it to sufficate the rest. i don't want to smell clean for an hour. and that's not it. i'm sorry i can't piss under five minutes now,


now he's on a roll, the saliva is pouring out the side of his mouth and running down the wrinkle like it was a water slide. it collects on his breast with other sauces, condiments and stuff. and as i watch it flare in mid air as it walls upon him he continue's on.

i'm sorry i forgot where my teeth were when it was thanksgiving! and she harps on it and i can't bring up how nixony she is about how sorry she says she is that she forgot my pills when we went to the beach... i know that bitch was trying to kill me!


if he was dynomite he would explode if he was god he'd have made everything burn for one hot second and then disapear completly.


...but no! i won't go out that way, , I can’t shit good no’ more anyhow... i'd rather die on the toliet like the king!

everyone heard him and they looked over and they saw him with his arms up and the back of his fist rocking at them, they looked at me and saw nothing from me, they turned and the moment and us were invisible.

grandpa continued, My inside don’t want to work no’ more, they could give a shit about benefits, it’s not like the old days, I could eat a hundred jalapeño’s and now it’s like if I even eat a fuck’n something with fuck'n onion salt seasoning my hearts going to fall out my ass.

silence.

out of the corner of my eye i see him turn towards me.


when you get old you little shit time is boiling a dead horse.

silence.

Now if you don’t mind?... never mind? Hmm… you? Fuck I might as well wait for a leg on this plastic piece of shit to give out so I can crack my head on this birch

.. ..



Silence.

.. ..

I just stared on at everything, i found my mother in the sea of people and caught sight of her head back laughing at a joke someone was saying that obviously no one else found funny. I’m sure she’s fucking him the bathroom of the supermarket when she goes shopping Saturday afternoons. my father smiles hoping the same; it's easier just jerk off . Once while we were fishing on memorial day, he'd had more to drink then usual and after hours of nothing, silence, he gave me the advice. but we still sat there. waiting for it. trying for it.

Grandpa hits me again, just get the fuck away from me I got gas I need to let out. and I don’t need people letting me know how uncomfortable they make me.

.. ..
no problem. I get up and walk through the stomach and poles and into the house there is nowhere to sit. The living room has been turned into a refugee camp for grandmothers and babies. I stand in the hall and stare in trying to figure it all out.
I need air and I head out front. i make a quick left and reach the front door unseen, and unheard.
.. ..

Outside there is no one but passing cars and strangers from somewhere in the neighborhood. They don’t acknowledge anything as they walk on the other side of the street.
.. ..

Currently listening: Lust for Life By Iggy Pop Release date: 1992-06-29

A muddy lagoon.

A muddy lagoon.
Category: Life

A muddy lagoon. .. ..

I opened my caked in eyes. I looked at the ceiling fan going in circles and the lights that did nothing but light up there thinly frosted glass. They had nothing on the daylight that left the room illuminated. My legs and back were soaked in sweat, I ran my hand over my forehead. The hair was matted down, my palm swept it back and my hand kept going, the rest was like daisies in a drought; my knuckles were tight. I remembered last night quickly but it was only the dots of the mosaic I began to correlate.

I looked at the wall and saw the hole. I sat up before my hand stared me in the face, skin was rubbed off, there was dry blood and loose skin. I looked to my right and saw the bottle of J&B turned on its side, empty and capless. The cap was next to it stepped on in the middle of last night, half flat and useless, they were both empty but still pumping through me.

Where are my smokes?

I remember walking to the store last night.

What did I say to Paul?

Oh fuck. I need a smoke. I remember bits and pieces. Spending the time to scream and cry about having no peace and feeling like a caged pit bull in the blistering heat of the sun with a floor mat covering the caged door for shade. You don’t need eyes to feel the bars. My owner treats me like this. I am my own owner. I told the truth again. I pulled the strength above the pain, I stood up and shouted fuck at the floor. Fuck it all, promises. expectations and the silence! I walked to hole in the wall. God I was pissed. I pulled out my sack of Bugler; pulled out a paper from the dispenser and folded it in lines to help it curl. I filled the gummed papyrus and rolled it when i realized the middle knuckle of my left hand had a blister.

Fuck hit the wall and bounced back at me.

I fell asleep with a smoke. I looked at my shirt and saw no holes. I turned to the couch, there was nothing there. God if I could have burned up last night I hope you would have left me drunk and passed out through the whole ordeal. I popped the blister pushed out the fluid and bit of the loose skin and took a drag. i picked up the bottle and poured the spider on the wound.

What happened? at least i didn't give myself another concussion.

Well the heap was upon me, I lived a life of tossed stones till I became a mountain that atlas could chuckle at.

I raised my fist and slowly went through the motions like a detective; I filled the hole with the fist that made it.

Dig deeper next time you idiot.

Yeah I wanted to see it got through the other side. If it had been a dwarf in front of me I would have caved their head in, or it was just a gut shot. Either way it would have been a jail I sat in this morning if it was someone I had unloaded on. God they would surely be dead just like Houdini.

Who was I so pissed off at last night?

It all came back to me.

I didn’t even jerk off. The lotion sat there still uncapped. Fuck. It was me. I walked to fridge, pulled out a Pabst and cracked it. Took a swig. Put it down went and brushed my teeth. I have to get it together, I got to work today, I called Chris and told him I would be ready by noon, he said that’s cool man we’ll get the stairs in by sun down.

More concrete. I fanned the empty bowl with the flame. I got my hits; put down the pipe and walked to the store sipping my beer and finishing it when I reached the door to the Chinese buffet liquor store, all they had ready was chow mien, spicy chicken, egg rolls and meat pie’s. I took my chance on the chow and walked to a washed out abandon church and went around back where there was some shade, the trash was all around and I found a plastic milk crate to
sit on and watched the sparrows drink from a rain puddle.

The dragonflies zipped by trying to tell each other they want to love. I couldn’t do it, it was too greasy. I should have ate something else, but having the wrong thing seams to be the only right thing I do. I put the fork in the noodles found all the chicken and ate it. Closed the lid with fork inside. Left the noodles, green onions and grease in the Styrofoam box for who ever may come by here, I have to get to work. I need a camera and new pair of
shoes.

Currently listening: Bringing It All Back Home By Bob Dylan Release date: 2004-06-01

The Whole'y F...er. [Barversations with George Carlin] The last chapter.

Current mood: peaceful

For George Carlin, Who ain't afraid of nothing]

We sat at the bar and I said, you know they killed Lenny.

Yeah I know.

You couldn’t do anything back then.

I know dear god say the word…

Hours later.

George smiles and laughs, Yeah it’s like this. Thunder baby. People haven’t read The job; I’m sure, but as it is. So People think they can be parmentally damaged by taking drugs. Fuck I did so much coke, speed and whatever is in your parent’s cabinet to kill a race track and what ever your grand parents get for social security has all gone through my hands and into my vines, one way or another. And then they expect you recover in a day? A week? Shit I did over 200 hits of acid in 2 months one of those nights I took 30 hits, and the girl I was with took 60 and well… man did we fuck. She came so much I had to throw out the mattress after it dried. I learned what do they call… freedumb from gitanemo. But look what I was saying is it took me 6 months before I didn’t stutter and hold my hand to my chest like I was a jerry lewis showcase. Now that being said. What people need is not a straight jacket a cigarette and a bunch of idiots to pretend you’re the wailing wall against. Though a cigarette and some whiskey can help. What they need is a vacation. They need a spa. A good movie to laugh at and a good book to read that doesn’t make people hate themselves or doubt themselves for anything. and you know not hating and killing each other is always nice.

Wild horses ended and I said man I got to get home.

George pointed, Hey you got that…

Yeah I got that.

Alright then. We’ll head over to sweet and lows and pick up a 24 pack.

We were going to get a drink to go from a store on the way to our place. But what happened? Wouldn’t you know it. The store happened to have a bunch of protesters out front. They were in the gutter, on the side walks and in the streets.

The place had great music and well great people all around the neighborhood who would come here. The people that come; well, they try to be nice to each other, but with in a plastic world you buy either quarts or pints.

The signs read god hates faggots. AIDS IS GOOD. Down to hell with you.

You see these people go to a church where they listen to their preacher, to too.

And that’s why they are here, a person who happens to live with in this community. Though the church and the blinds? Well they live in another neighborhood where… their churches is. A place none of the people here go to.

So George and I walk up to one of the 9 and it’s an old woman holding a sign that says fags burn in hell. The sign is baa’ner size and bigger than her, a breeze would knock her over. But still she rocks in its wake. The sign is harnessed to her on one of those things you see on long term grocery clerks’.

George turns to the old women and says, Now Honey, come on I know you can still cum. What’s wrong? Never snuggled beaver to beaver? I’m sure it’s warm and well the happier you get the better the slip and slide.

A guy sticks his hand out like hitler and says you can’t talk to my mother that way.

The mother is trying to figure out how to hold a sign and do a Hail Mary.

I tell George I’ll get the beers and I go into the store.

George says, sure kid. Then he looks over at the son, So. Hey, like what is it keeping You from going and buying a homeless person a home or maybe some tools? I mean it’s easy to offer someone somewhere to shit and to shovel them food not worthy of a dog but to actual offer a person some rest to get their life back together and walk into a home and have one.

What?

Well you seam to want to waste your time here.

The mother pipes like a big rig truck, Well there is hell on earth because of faggots!!!

Quietly like we were in a school George whispers… and he’s black. And he has aids.

The man stands like a cherry tree and his mother weilds her ax. Dear God! This has to stop!

George sticks his hand out to stop the guy and his mother from telling anyone, Hey.

They stop in their tracks.

Look don’t you think god did the right thing by creating aids? And hell making some one black so you can be elmer fudd… well… look. I have to ask you do you think god does it all?

I walk up and hand George his brown bag and I snap mine.

The mother speaks up like she’s got steroids, coke and some designer meth in her, Damn Right He does.

The son turns his mega phone to the sky and says, That’s Right MOM!

George turns to me and says, hold this.

I take his beer.

So sonny boy god protects all those that are righteous from sin?

Like they were a choir. Darn Toot’n!

George then says you know, I’ve never sinned by sin in your book and well I know this might be one but hey maybe I should try.

They look at George with Q’s in their eyes.

George smiles, O.k. let me tell you what I’m going to do. I have never hit a person in my life… let’s see if god kills me now or later? George swings hitting the mother square in the nose. Blood, goes every where and her teeth fly out on the ground. The son doesn’t know where to look.

George licks the blood off his knuckles, God loves you.

The guy tries to run but I grab his mega phone that’s tied around his neck. The mother lays they’re on the ground. George grabs the guy. I let go and he begins to hit him in the balls and then kicks him deep in the ass. He grabs the hanging mega phone and turns him eye to eye. The guy looks George in the eye as pavement lays a few feet from the back of his head. George points the mega phone at his face.

And whispers, “run bitch run.” He let’s go of the guy and he falls to the ground first hit by the ground and then by the mega phone, it bust his nose, he curls up grapping for his nose with his hands and his knees.

Let’s leave this shit. George says and then takes his beer from my hand. He cracks it and takes a swig.

Barversations #09

Barversations #09

Hey Bob, Grew a beard eh? Looks good.

I’m doing alright. Yeah, I grew it so I wouldn’t have to look in the mirror.

He didn’t even look up from the hole in the bud.

The Bartendress Jane walks up and says where you been? Nice beard.

Well you know, I couldn’t afford razors and beer.

She turns and grabs a glass, don’t my legs and pits know it.

Yeah the bed is always nicer after a shave.

Jane looks at me, you shave?

Well yeah the sheets dazzle after but when in bed with someone? yeah I don’t care to cuddle with half a cactus.

Jane places the tap in front of me, a Guys face on your back is not particularly fun either.

Well, cuddle us sometime.

Jane laughs, yeah right unless it’s a lost job or death no man lets you cuddle ‘em.

I know men are idiots but the pride thing was started by women and bastardized into the military.

Jane laughs looks me up and down as she could see me through the bar, you said it cactus man.

Bob begins to whirl a little like a rolled coin about to fall over.

Jane nods at me and I place my arm out to keep him steady.

Last time you almost had to buy a whole round for those Norwegians table you landed on.

I think it may be time… Bob looks up slowly. Then towards both of us. His eyes adjusting and just his brow rises as he eyes in our direction, It’s time. It’s time for home.

Ok Bob, Jane smiles.

He pushes himself up with the bar and unsaddles the seat like he’s been riding all day.

Ok Bob? Bob says to him self as stumbles to the door. He looks at his watch, then looks back our way, You can call me Ok Bob for now on. He looks at his watch again, Thank god all those judge shows are over now. I can watch the news.

The light of day comes in and then leaves.

Jane turns to me and pours herself a shot, Yuh know, I think they left the letter e off the end of job.

Currently listening: Gold By Neil Diamond Release date: 1990-01-22